A Hero's Welcome Podcast

Removing Your Armor: Embracing Authenticity with Miranda Stoll

• Maria Laquerre-Diego, LMFT-S, RPT-S & Liliana Baylon, LMFT-S, RPT-S • Season 2

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Miranda shares how we can create the life we want by letting go of fear and embracing our authentic selves through the removal of protective armor that no longer serves us.

• Exploring how our "armor" protects us from vulnerability but also prevents authentic connection
• Teaching children to question their protective responses rather than automatically armoring up
• Understanding how burnout happens when therapists try to "save" clients instead of supporting their journey
• Recognizing when comparisons to idealized therapist images cause us unnecessary suffering
• Learning to pause and reconnect with our true desires and dreams
• Identifying generational patterns and cultural expectations that form our protective barriers
• Finding humor and joy as tools for connection even during difficult conversations
• Acknowledging that asking for help builds community and allows others to experience the joy of giving

When you find yourself getting stuck in old patterns, put your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and ask yourself: "If I gave you permission to dream big and have whatever you wanted come true because you're worth it, what would that be?"


A Hero's Welcome Podcast © Maria Laquerre-Diego & Liliana Baylon

Maria:

Welcome back listeners. This is your co-host, maria, and I'm here with my lovely co-host.

Liliana:

I was going to say Maria, but no, I'm sorry, miranda, but no, that's me. Hello everyone, we're here with our special guest that I was so excited that I jumped in right away. To Miranda, how do you want to introduce yourself to our guests?

Miranda :

to our listeners. Well, I'm Miranda. I live in rural Nebraska, so right in Smackdown, in the center of the state, but I get the beautiful opportunity of working with a various group of people in three different offices. And I also get to travel globally and teach and coach. I've been doing this for about 15 years and when I tell people that they're like, I'm like. I know years and when I tell people that they're like, I'm like, I know.

Liliana:

If you follow Miranda in her Instagram account, you see the pictures where she's traveling and she like I just love what you're doing, by the way.

Miranda :

Oh, thank you, it's really opened up a new chapter of like how joy can show up and really this topic that I'm going to be talking about, like you get to create the life you want and let go of the fear that holds you back oh, you get to create yeah, you're your author of your whole story and you can rewrite your chapters, you can edit it, but it doesn't determine your destination oh, so let's start and let's preach.

Liliana:

Please tell us more.

Miranda :

Well, I feel especially the way I was growing up like you're taught and you're giving these expectations and these boxes that you have to check and you're like, oh, I can be successful if I do ABC, but then pretty soon you're like that's not fulfilling. So I'm going to do more and seek more and try and be more, and then that's exhausting. And then you end up depleting yourself and you're like, why am I not good enough?

Maria:

and that's not true, yeah like I call all my clients yeah, that's such a common belief yeah I'm not good enough yeah, people, people are leaving me, people are rejecting me, they're challenging me.

Miranda :

Oh, my god, it's me. No, it's not. It's the fact that you're different and you're reflecting your light to them, and it's too bright for that moment. And I use the word armor a lot, with a lot of people I wear because we have this protective gear we put on. Whether you're in law enforcement or a mom or a woman, we put this on as a safety and then when our light starts to peek through, it really makes people go. Oh, and that's when that inner turmoil can really start to come up and shake that insecurity.

Maria:

I love that. So this armor that you're talking about this is something that almost everybody wears. It's something that we grow up with knowing. How do you, how do we use that? How do we use that information? How do we use our armor?

Miranda :

So I love watching my kids. I have three beautiful teachers every day that teach me that. When they get feedback from friends or adults and I see their little heart dim, I'm like, ooh, let's talk about that piece you just put on. I'm like, ooh, let's talk about that piece you just put on. They're like mom, it hurt my heart. I said I felt that. And they're like I felt stupid. I said okay, is that true? And they're like no, I said so you put that on to protect it? I said but let's not put it on to wear, let's talk about it. Let's hold that for just a second and look at the wisdom that maybe you can't see. And they hate this.

Miranda :

Sometimes we're in the car. I'm like, well, let's do this. And they're like oh, mom. And I'm like hold on, I've used the OxiClean guy like all week. Wait, there's more. But seriously, like what wisdom? Like, had you not done that? Like what would have happened to the person that you're protecting? Or, um, you've raised your hand and you got the answer what would have been the drawback of you not even trying? And they're like well, I wouldn't have known. I'm like perfect, and are you making it so other kids can make mistakes and it's okay, and they're like, oh yeah, I'm like, okay, that's a beautiful. So we talk about those little nuggets. I and I guess I'm grateful for the awareness that I have because as a kid, like my mom and dad were great teachers, but it wasn't like the felt sense was brought in.

Miranda :

It was like oh, here's right and wrong and we love you, but that guilt and shame that was still kind of attached to like some of it, because they didn't know how to support me, because I've always been my own person with a very, very strong, big personality, and so I think they tried to protect me.

Liliana:

Yeah, but is it a big? Because I don't think it's a big personality. I think that when we talk and our field has been talking for Especially the last couple of years Of being authentic, you embrace that, which is, you're not excusing yourself for who you are or how you respond or anything that you do, and I think that is a bill for beautiful mirror for all of us and give us permission to do the same thing right and even in this as you're talking, at this armor, which I started thinking right away because my ADHD like kicks in right away and I was like, oh, so personal and professionally Got it Personally, as you're talking beautifully and reframing this for your children to be curious, to attune, it's such a beautiful job that you're doing with them.

Liliana:

Side note fucking ungrateful kids, right, because my kids do the same shit. Like are we going to right, cause my kids do the same shit, like are we going to do this? I was like, uh, excuse me, come back to the conversation.

Liliana:

Um, but personally, think about all the projections and expectations that we borrow and we hold in that it's getting heavier and heavier for not being actually congruent to what we're called to do or what we want to do. And then, but bring it professionally. When we have this beautiful template, we're children going to school, getting our master's program and then the projections or that armor starts building up, because all the shoots are like you need to be training this, you should be doing this, you should be working with this population, you should be working with medicaid. Like it's all these shoots and how do we learn? Like how it gets so heavy. Miranda, that's what I'm saying so.

Miranda :

I love how you're using your hands because when we, when we say that I'm like, where do you feel that at in your body? Because that's how you're using your hands. Because when we say that I'm like, where do you feel that at in your body? Because that's where you're protecting and a lot of times it's in your central part, because that's where your creation hub is Like if you're talking energy hubs, it's your solar plexus, where you create your authenticity from there. And when you're like God, it's so heavy. I'm like, if you're shrinking, like that, that's your body's feedback to say hey, that's not yours and that's not what you're meant to be. And when my clients say I'm sorry, I'm like pause. Every time you say sorry, you apologize for existing, and that's bullshit. Yeah, I said you don't need to apologize and take up space. You're a gift. I'm like you get to take up space and you get to share that with people.

Miranda :

Yeah, but I think we're so ingrained to be good and perfect and like if I'm doing all these things, I'm enough and that's an arrival fallacy, right like there's always going to be something else. But let's not take away the amazing joy in the moment because you're not present now. This is a lesson. I actually had to get a tattoo on my arm to remember. It says be here now. But you know I am a hard learner, so as a reminder got it.

Maria:

Can we see the tattoo? Where do you put it?

Miranda :

it right here, didn't it just sit here?

Liliana:

now, girl, talk about the lessons that we have a hard time. I just share before coming in right about needing oxygen.

Maria:

Mine breathe I love that. So, miranda, you're you're talking about doing this with clients, but I'm seeing a direct line for therapists also struggling with this idea. Yeah.

Miranda :

Well, how many times as a therapist do we feel like we have to save our clients or be everything that they need and then we end up being so depleted that we can't support ourselves and go home Like our brain makes like 35,000 decisions in a day and we go home what's for supper? And you're like I have no idea what my name is right now and I can't even form a sentence. That's the last question I want to have answered. So then we have that guilt of like oh my God, I'm not being present for my kids, oh my God I'm not taking care of myself, oh my God I'm not doing off, and I'm like stop, we're taking away the gift for our clients If we solve all their problems for them, if we do everything for them. There's gifts in them having struggles and challenges and we get to help hold them in our armor of strength and our resilience so they can re-put theirs together.

Maria:

So they can re-put theirs together. Yeah, I love that. I love that I also. I mean, attached to that is this default answer of like I'm fine. Yeah, bullshit, you're like describing the hamster wheel on fire.

Miranda :

And I'm like, yeah, but it's fine. So anytime I like what, I'm guilty of that too. I'm like, okay, fine, what are you really wanting to say? And what are you afraid of saying that you've been told you can't because you're not safe, it's not going to be fixed your burden, what is that? And then I'm like no, no, you're going to take a deep breath because your brain is beautifully protecting you, but I want your body to feel that. So, as a therapist, I'm fine with the amount of paperwork and stuff like that.

Miranda :

Nobody's fine Like that in and of itself overwhelming. So like, let's just take a moment and say I am overwhelmed. I don't understand all these changes. I have no idea. I don't even feel like I can serve my clients the way I want to serve them without being told I'm doing something wrong. Yes, I love them with my whole heart, but I can't say I love them with my whole heart. But I can't say I love them with my whole heart because that's unethical and I'm like I will not stop doing that, I will not stop hugging them, I will not stop showing up for them and I will not stop loving them by the way, I have never stopped hugging them or giving them a kiss, because culturally that's what we do.

Liliana:

I tell my instructor.

Miranda :

I just blame it on the redhead. It's a little spicy, so you, you're gonna come in for a hug and we're gonna make it count I love this conversation.

Liliana:

I feel like maria and I cannot stop like smiling and like all the way through our eyes, right, which is there is a movement we're going through, something where we're trying to figure out who we are, that we're being carrying in is just too heavy, and I think, collectively, that's what we are naming, even though we're using different words. This armor is just too heavy and I need you to see what I'm carrying. And can you allow me to see what you're carrying? And then, what do we want to do about it?

Maria:

The question go ahead.

Maria:

Well, no, I just love that and I love the tie to like narrative work right, like from the beginning you're like this is your story, you get to be the author and at any point you can pause and decide if you want to keep going, if you want to edit, if you want to pivot.

Maria:

And I think part of that I mean, especially when I, for whatever reason, I am stuck on the therapist, that I am doing consultation and supervision around right now because everything feels so heavy for them. And what's been coming up a lot is this feeling of like I'm failing, I'm not strong enough, I'm not fast enough, I'm I'm just like if I were just stronger or better at this, then I can, you know I could do more. And it's, it's refreshing to say like, okay, let's look at one the systems in which you are working are designed for you to fail. Yeah, let's, let's just be honest. And two, what I'm hearing from you this morning is some of that armor doesn't need to be there anymore. Yeah, right, and then not to say right, because taking off all of our armor feels very vulnerable and may not be safe to do so. But for some of us maybe there are pieces that we can take off in certain situations or spaces or with certain people and let our light kind of shine through and breathe a little bit.

Miranda :

So I loved how you said that you're working with therapists that are like I need to do more, be more thing. I'm not fast enough and my, my question that zings them is who are you comparing yourself to? Yes, in this moment, who are you thinking you should be like Because they're a seasoned clinician 40 years and they're stepping out of retirement? You're not going to look the same, your caseload isn't even the same, and they're stepping out of retirement. You're not going to look the same, your caseload isn't even the same, and you're negating your gift you're giving to the clients that you have. God, like I still get emotional with this Like you're missing your beautiful, joyous gift, your authentic service, when you compare yourself when you compare yourself, yeah Well, it's often compared to this false idea that never existed.

Maria:

right? These are this ideal therapist who gets put out into the world by, let's see, professors or practice owners or businesses who were never clinicians themselves and they're looking at numbers. They're not looking at the work we do. Right, we are not. We are not factories that grind out material. Right, where you need a productivity, you need to make 72 wrenches each day to be productive, right, we are in the messy, messy business of helping messy, messy people with their lives, of helping messy, messy people with their lives. There isn't a productivity matrix that captures all that goes into having a session, having a client, because it's beyond the session, right, like we can be honest about that. Having a client is not just an hour a week on your schedule.

Maria:

It's so much more than that.

Miranda :

Yeah, because then you put it in your bag of I'm not going to think about it, which is also BS, because it looms in your depths of your brain of like oh my God. And then I'm like so what I've that one was something I had to really work on is like not carrying that forward, because then it feels like you're doing that resistance exercise as a football player where that band is just going to pull you back and I'm like hold on, I know they know how to get ahold of me and I have, for certain, made sure they know that.

Miranda :

So now we get to build the trust, now we get to build the consistency and congruency and to teach them that somebody is actually speaking truth, somebody's actually following up, showing up the way they said they were. It's probably a bigger gift than anything we could do. Yes, yes, yeah, like we wear this armor, but then we forget about all of our superpowers. Yes, because our cape is so tightly wound up in that metal of like. I don't know if I can do this yet, because I don't know if I'm ready. And what does a mama bird do? She just kicks her baby bird out of the nest and goes. You got this my bad.

Miranda :

Maybe he wasn't ready quite yet.

Liliana:

That'll buff out a couple of weeks and it will be here, but I wanted to. I was trying to remember the name of the movie and this is where my adhd and maria knows that, right, like it goes. And then like, damn, it come back. It'll come back, but I don't, I don't want to miss it because, um, there was a movie that I was watching yesterday I have to have noise when I'm working in order for my brain to function and I was seeing that movie and I cannot remember. But you guys tell me if you remember the name of it where she says I volunteer, I volunteer, and she uses the Hunger.

Liliana:

Games. Thank you, I could not come up with that thing and what did I come on?

Liliana:

I was anyways, I had in the background and they said a phrase and I came back to it because they done on me that that's exactly what systems do, which is they're having this conversation, um, and it's at the beginnings, before they they in and he says they're talking about hope. We need to give them enough hope for them to believe, but not enough that they do something about it. Yes, right, and I remember because, like yesterday, I'm like hold on, I'm like writing it down and I'm like, oh, that's what it is right. When we're carrying that armor, when we're in systems, whatever system, that is right. When we're carrying that armor, when we're in systems, whatever system that is, it doesn't matter either personal or professionally.

Liliana:

The idea of these systems, when we're talking about the therapist, is to make you believe that there's something else out there that you can reach, that there's an image, a status that you should reach, but the reality is that they don't want you to also to hope enough, because they have to maintain you there until you said not only I do not volunteer, I'm fucking out, like I'm done, which is exactly what you're saying. Which is, how do we go back to make you aware of all these gifts, so that the hope is within that external.

Miranda :

Do you want to know what I do with them? Tell me, okay, I want to do with both of you. I want you to close your eyes.

Liliana:

Okay.

Miranda :

Put your hand on your heart, take a breath in and let it out. And if I gave you permission in this moment to dream big and have whatever you wanted come true, because you're worth it, what would that be? Because it's here, it's never gone full body chills. What an invitation to tap back in mm-hmm, but even right, yeah, to get pause yeah learning to pause in a world chaotic.

Liliana:

That is the resistance, that is the challenge, that is the hope, that is what is going to keep us going right, even in this moment. As you said it, I couldn't stop because I feel teary right away, because my answer came out. You're already doing it, um how cool does that feel?

Miranda :

Can you thank yourself for allowing yourself to be here?

Liliana:

So thank you, right, because the only thing I can do is like the tears and the smile, like, oh, I'm already doing it, but how many of our colleagues of our friends are not given the permission to do that because also all the other barriers that they have. And how do we help them see what are the barriers, what is the system and then what are your gifts? We can have awareness of all this around to see where it can be being power within.

Miranda :

I love that.

Maria:

Well, yeah, and so if you're listening, pause, go back. Yes, go through the exercise yourself and find out what what you're calling is. What is your bringing up other movies? But like what's your heart's desire, like what is it that you were given to share, and are you in a place where you can share it?

Miranda :

And I'm going to deepen that. And if you find that challenge, it's like I don't know, write that down, because what are you really obligated to? Is it the like action that you're attached to? Is it the fear of rejection? Because if you can sit with that and identify where that comes from, you will be free. Yeah, that's that hook that keeps you like I don't know if I can do this. I don't know. And you're like no, I can, and remove that obligation with love so you can preserve the relationship. Yes, I can still be this but I don't have to do this.

Miranda :

Is there a?

Maria:

common obligation that comes up in your work. What are some of the common hooks that keep us?

Miranda :

in not? I think a lot of times as a therapist, specifically it's not wanting to break the mold and do something new or different, or or what if people don't understand? Like this is how my brain works and this is really effective, but this is so new I'm like, oh, I can't do this. Or how do I tell somebody I don't want to work with this population and not be labeled as a bitch or picky or demanding. I don't want to do that.

Liliana:

Thank you for naming it. It's unembr. Embrace that right now.

Miranda :

Because you asked me what my limitations are of my things and I tell you and you're like well, but we have like seven of them in our referral pile and we're really overwhelmed, so you're just going to have to take it. They're not going to be effective, the clients aren't going to find it successful. So let's stop asking them if their truth isn't going to be heard.

Maria:

Yeah, I love that.

Miranda :

Practicing that vocal like no breathe Cause. That's a hard word for a lot of us, because is it something that brings me joy and energy and pulls me out? And if it's not, then that's a no yeah, yeah it yeah, yeah, it's.

Maria:

it's what's aligning, right like, is this in line, aligned with what I want to do, what my values are, what my beliefs are, versus what I'm told from, I mean not even just in grad school? Right, we're talking like young age, you systems and family systems, structuring us in these boxes. This is what's expected of you and you will only find success or be fulfilled if you check these boxes which we have laid out for you.

Miranda :

So the other day I was sitting with like where did I lose my feminine energy and really put up my shield for masculine to protect and be, and like I'm going to be one of the boys, I'm not going to let any? I named it on Saturday, third grade. I wore this cute dress. I'm standing outside the bus, my crush is on the bus and a girl to pants me and I. I still go back to that moment and I remember crying and I'm like his eyes.

Miranda :

I'm like I'm not safe being a female. I'm not safe looking pretty. I'm not safe doing this because I made myself look like an ass and now to overcompensate for that, I'm not going to let anybody come in and hurt me. So I'm going to be better, faster, smarter and funnier and not feel things and use humor beautifully, as this big armor shield is like, oh God, these are too big, really fucking funny. And then I'm like, oh, but I have really wise words to say and big feelings to feel that serve just as much as that, yeah, and so these last three years have been a lot of really, really deep peeling back of that and so it's never too late never too late.

Liliana:

I just want you to know that I had the same experience and it was in third grade and I was like are you fucking kidding me? But it was like a voice telling me but you're one of us. You're not a girl, and I was like what? And from that moment on I'm one of the boys and I did everything to become one of the boys.

Miranda :

So then, the part of us that's disconnected and shielded is like I want to be found attractive, I want to feel wanted, I want to feel pretty, but I don't know how I knew what I am. I'm like what do you want? Like what's your intention? I feel like I'm a tool, like I can't trust this, and then they're like oh, you're just really hard. I'm like tool, like I can't trust this, and then they're like oh, you're just really hard. I'm like yeah, because I'm one of the boys I'm hard ass. Take that, you know what I mean.

Liliana:

Like so we deflect it beautifully. It's a dance we do without even knowing we're doing it. Oh, I'm, I'm reading a. Well, I finished actually reading a book, uh, the author Anna in her book because you know we're friends and she doesn't know yet um, she talks about an example, uh, talking about these gender expectations and how her son has long, uh hair. And they get to the elevator and a lady was like are you a boy or a girl? And and the boy couldn't understand, um, that question. And the mom, without saving him, says you know, there's a world full of possibilities.

Maria:

And.

Liliana:

I love her answer in that moment and then she talks about the conversation that she had with her son. But I think it's also coming back to we are in a moment in time when we are saying and we have, thankfully, people ask yourself, melinda? That is giving us permission to say there is a world full of possibilities, what I get to be and do and say, and I can be okay with it, and the more that we have people representing and naming this, then we're able to say me too.

Liliana:

And there is a place for me, right? Because in everything that you're sharing, this is what I know right away. Oh, you're inviting me to have awareness in the past and with those prompts, then you are giving me permission, even if I don't need it, because emotionally I feel like I do.

Liliana:

Like you're giving me permission to accept who I am and what I want to do, and then the reframing that is happening following that, so that that guilt, that shame don't pop according to your family culture, culture it doesn't matter. Like you are reframing it so that my whole being is okay with it, until I become so aware of the armor, so aware of my gifts, so aware of, and then I can do something different.

Miranda :

And I want to bring in another layer for this. So when people challenge us or give us the most ick or judgment, they're showing us where our blind spots are. They're showing us where we're not confident, certain and clear. So we thank them because they're going to be our biggest teachers, they're going to be our biggest motivator to keep moving forward. Yeah, but we get stuck in like, oh, I'm not good enough. No, like thank you for saying this.

Miranda :

Like I work with my mom and I wore a really kind of fun top. She goes what's with the spicy outfit? I'm like this is uncomfortable for you, isn't it? She's like well, you're on a Zoom. And I'm like thank God I'm on a Zoom, because if I was in real person and somebody looked down, we'd not have the same outfit. I'm like so it's good that it's just across the board. I feel very lucky and privileged that I get your text with what shit that you wear. And I'm like no, you didn't. And you go yeah, I just said a t-rex suit to somebody. They're like you wore that. I'm like oh god, yeah, I have a t-rex inflatable suit, a cow suit, a horse. I'm like having fun and showing up that.

Miranda :

The joy and laughter and joy humor. Like I worked with a veteran yesterday and he was in a grumpy ass mood so I went back to my office and put on a little sticky mustache. I said I must ask you, are you gonna be grumpy all session or can we start over? And he's like what is wrong with you? I'm like, oh, you're gonna ask me what's wrong with me. I'm like I'm in a great mood. I'm like not to point fingers here, but somebody else in this room is not. But like we can chip it away and make it feel safe. Yeah, if we do that and we keep ourselves like that joyous kid that's inside, yes, Like that connects to so many people that you don't even know.

Liliana:

Yeah, and especially as the world is so heavy, right, like, I love what you just did. You know what you share that you did with him, because the world is so heavy and sometimes we need that in order just to laugh and we start with the laugh and then other doors open. Right, that is the door of like oh, I'm safe to be me here with you and I get to share actually what is happening. Like, it is a beautiful door that you and the therapists are offering your clients.

Miranda :

Oh, thank you, I receive that in my heart.

Maria:

I love that, I love that, yeah, and I'm, you know, I'm wondering because this arm, I'm fascinated with this concept of armor. Is this armor? Is this resiliency? Is this just protection and survival? Is this skill building, like what?

Miranda :

All of it, all of it.

Miranda :

Okay, you know what I mean, because I think like if you were shown like I think it's Gabor Mate that has this theory that, like, if you're shown that you're not safe, you will genetically change it in your genes to not let that happen. Whether that be, I'm going to put on more weight around my belly because I don't want to be sexually attractive, or I am going to have these like unrealistic expectations that I don't sleep at all, but then it starts to morph into that lens or like a part of us that we look through and it becomes a reality. So the more we get used to it and use it, the more it's like how do I change it? Because it's a part of who I am, and so then it feels like it just gets stuck to you.

Liliana:

Yeah, so in all the therapists who are listening, who work with not only migrants but first and second generation, that is exactly what we see for the narrative that our parents went through that lens narrative that our parents went through that lens and then then we adapt even though we're removed. We do not understand why. That is exactly it what you just named. So thank you, because, like, I have to keep like renaming it, for they're like this is what's happening, um, but because there's no training for us to work with migrants.

Maria:

You just name what I share in a one-on-one consultation yeah, so some of the armor we're carrying may not even be ours most of the time it's not.

Miranda :

Most of the time we're like this little sticky velcro patch going through the stickers and we're like, what is this? And you're like, oh god, I'll just deal with that later. Well then it gets embedded and you're like, okay, it's too too far gone, I can't change it, it too much. And then we just bear with it or push through, or, as we say in Nebraska, pull yourself up by your bootstraps. And I'm like, okay, we're going to stop that shit. Like, pause again, pause. Ask for help, because every session this last year I've ended it. What can I do? Or how can I show up and support you this next week and I tell you what? That is one of the hardest questions my clients have answering, because they've never been given the space to actually answer that yeah. And they're like, well, I'm like, oh no, no, I'm not saying I'm a pro, I had to start with like, hey, can I open the door as your arms are full of like 20 bags?

Liliana:

Yes, that's all I had to start. Yeah, that's true, and Trevor Noah did a beautiful podcast telling how, when we need help and we don't ask for help, that's actually where it starts. We have to learn to ask for help, to build the trust, so that you know when I need you Right. And to me that was a hard concept because I'm not used to asking for help on my migraine and overachiever. I can do everything by my fucking own. And I had to listen to that episode several times for me to realize yeah, no, I actually have to ask for help.

Miranda :

So I guarantee everybody listening to this can raise their hand. How do you? I bet, if you help somebody out and see the outcome directly, you get this like hit of dopamine. You're like, oh my god, that was so cool. Oh, I feel like such a. You're not allowing somebody else to have that feeling when we don't ask for help. Yeah, that was a game changer in my book. I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so true. I love that feeling. Yeah, okay, and you're giving presence, you're giving connection and you're building a family and community or whatever, and that's that's also. What we need to is that reality of like I'm a human being. I'm not perfect. Don't put me on a pedestal because I'm messy, I'm raw, I make plenty of mistakes in a day, so don don't treat me with white gloves. Yeah, because I get to love you as you show up and you get to love me as I show up.

Maria:

Yeah, Well, it's so needed now more than ever in our lifetimes. Right? This, this idea of breaking away from I don't even want to say hyper-independence, because it's further than that. It's like I should be able to take care of myself. I shouldn't have to rely on anyone, I shouldn't need anyone. It has really taken us away from communities, right and families, and this is separate from the. We're breaking off from unhealthy family patterns and unhealthy. This is separate from the. We're breaking off from unhealthy family patterns and unhealthy. That that's separate.

Liliana:

Yeah.

Maria:

But this idea of asking for help before we need it or being willing to accept help without beating ourselves up about it or feeling sick over it or what, or feeling shame right Cause I think that's the other thing that comes up is shame that I needed help, Even if it is because I'm trying to do the one trip from the car to the house and I've got 20 bags and I'm like why do we do this to ourselves? Right, but even if it's on that level, right. This idea of helping and allowing others to help fosters these connections that remind all of us that we're all humans kind of struggling and that we only survive when we do it together.

Miranda :

Right, and we're all in this for the first time consciously, that's exactly it.

Liliana:

So, with that, because I'm mindful of time, I feel like this is part one. I feel, miranda, that you're going to have to come back for part two of this ongoing conversation so everyone heard it.

Miranda :

She said, yes, oh, I did.

Liliana:

That was a hell yeah and with that, thank you, because maria and I couldn't stop, like our wheels are just going with the beautiful conversation that you are inviting us not only to contemplate but to accept, right, even that right, like the gift of accepting today's conversation. So, for all of you listening out there, just wait for part two. Um, in the meantime, miranda, thank you. Thank you for your gift, thank you for being you, thank you for those fucking pictures, um, they, I mean, I have to be careful when I open your text, um, because I have no idea how hard I'm gonna laugh and where am I located in that moment. Yet I love them. Sometimes it's at three in the morning, sometimes I was like girl, what are you doing up? Not sleeping, being?

Maria:

brilliant.

Liliana:

Thank you. Thank you for being you and then until next time, Thanks. Amanda Thank you Till then.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Liliana Baylon, LMFT-S, RPT-S

Host
Head Shot

Maria Laquerre-Diego, LMFT-S, RPT-S

Host
Head Shot

Miranda Stoll

Guest